When differences of opinion collide in the casual dating world, it can either make for some great chemistry or really bad science.
An argument can be a real deal-breaker even when you’re casual dating, but once things get serious the emotional stakes go up as well. Conflicts get more complicated and emotions can be difficult to sort out clearly when priorities are competing for attention. Decisions like moving in together, privacy, trust issues, drug and health related concerns can all be valid sources of stress in a growing relationship that can trigger heated arguments.
Constant criticism of you, your friends and family; passive-aggressive behavior, resentment for past wrongs can also turn a disagreement into a ‘no-holds barred’ battle of wills. One of the great things about dating sites is that you can connect with people in Long Beach who share your values, beliefs, and background. Of course it would be great if you could simply custom order the kind of guy or girl who never disagrees with you, but that would be like a relationship with your operating system, not a real person.
Savvy negotiators can get their point across and persuade others without losing their temper or hurling insults indiscriminately. Casual dating in Long Beach offers lots of opportunities for hassle-free hook-ups, but if you’re someone with a short fuse, or who gets tongue-tied trying to express your point of view, you might want to consider some more great advice from for winning an argument every time!
This is a brief but essential list of things to keep in mind when your date suddenly sticks his foot in his mouth (or yours):
1. Clarify before you jump the gun. Miscommunications and misunderstandings are a major source of arguments between couples. It’s always a good idea to clarify what you think someone means by repeating their words back to them, or simply asking them to elaborate. If your date thinks motherhood and career don’t mix, probing for more details will either help you understand the reasons for his opinion, or expose the lack of them. In either case, you’ll be more informed about who you’re talking to, and you’ll see whether or not this is someone who puts thought into their opinions.
2. Don’t Get Emotional. Loud, uninhibited, and obnoxious displays of emotion are a huge turnoff for anyone, guys or girls. Getting emotional is actual a sign of defensiveness. When we feel threatened, it’s human nature to speak louder in an effort to appear more menacing. Yelling doesn’t mean you’re winning the argument. Making a public scene only makes you look irrational and unreasonable. Unless you’re a performance artist trying to sell tickets to your latest meltdown, your date will probably head for the nearest exit and never look back. If you feel your blood pressure rising in response to a comment by your date, try to direct your feelings towards opening the dialogue. If you can’t bring yourself to discuss the topic, politely explaining that the topic makes you uncomfortably. Expressing your points louder won’t make you more right. It will just alienate you and invite judgement from others.
3. Don’t Argue, Explain. If you’re calm, you can think clearly enough to explain your point of view rather than verbally assaulting others with your opinion, or abruptly ending the exchange. When you demonstrate a willingness to share the reasons for your point of view, others feel more inclined to reciprocate. Even if you don’t agree, you can keep the argument productive, and even entertaining by leaving personal feelings asides.
4. Fighting fire with fire makes a bigger fire. Responding to behavior you find obnoxious with equally abusive language only hurts the integrity of your own position. If the guy you’re seeing suddenly thinks it’s OK to refer to you as his ‘bitch’, you could blast him with a long train of expletives about his mother and flailing manhood, but then it begs the question, why are you seeing him at all if your opinion of him is so low? A better way would be to express your disappointment in his behavior and explain that you expected more of him. By appealing to his conscience, you might actually inspire him to reflect on the impact of his words on you more carefully. If he’s a jerk, he’ll laugh it off, but at least you’ll know what you’re dealing with, and you’ll still have your dignity. If he is really insensitive, adding fuel to the fire might just leave you both in emotional pieces from the resulting combustion.
5. Don’t Get Others Involved. Trying to convince your boyfriend to spend less time playing fantasy football because your friend Joey at work is making real progress, won’t inspire his confidence or motivate him to follow suit. Have you ever been compared to others? Feel that knee-jerk reaction in your stomach that lurches and wants to blurt out “Don’t you dare compare me to anyone else in the history of existence!”? That’s probably the same reaction your boyfriend will have. Instead, show him that you believe in his potential by encouraging him to follow other pursuits.